Faes Writings

The Good Stuff
The Bad Stuff

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Step out.

Withered and cold inside,
Struggling, striving to crawl through the dark,
bloody brittle fingers cling to the black cavern floor.

dirty bleeding hands pulling, nails chipping
cracking splitting, ripping.
The pain is gone, I rest before the door.

wood and metal, sturdy and strong.
warm against my back, natural and earthy.
Warming my core.

Scarred and battered,
staring into the darkness
bruised and sore,
feeling swallowed, whole.

I fall to pieces.

I pull them back, I struggle to stand,
pain whipping through the torn and bloody limbs.
a bloody mess, peering through strings of matted hair,
reaching for the handle, a string of bloody drool falling onto my breast.

I pull the latch.

And step out into the night.

|| by Fae ||
11:24:00 PM |

Hi guys, I'm not at the top of my game today so I don't know what this is going to turn into. Possibly just a lot of blithering idiocy but hey you never know do you?

Ok, so the first thing I should talk about is my last phone call from G. (a.k.a. Master) It was intense. I was uncomfortable for parts of it, but I pushed through those bits and I was even....ok...easiest way to say it is to not try to make it sound pretty...so here goes...I orgasmed without permission. Once only and it was....I was....out of my mind I couldn't talk I wanted to and I couldn't make my mouth work it was strange. Not to mention I'm not so good at the talking when I'm in the middle of 'it'. It's not a talking time! I mean ok...moans are good...things like "God baby yes" , "Put your legs here, ohhhh god!" , "so sexy" ...."taste so good"....uhmm lets see.....what else is ok.... "Harder...harder....yes!" That's ok! I can manage those....but the whole legitimate sentences where I actually have to think I can not do. I get to caught up in the pleasure. I think. At least...that's what I like to think. It's been long enough since I've actually had sex, and considering that it really was kind of a "Wham bam thank ya ma'am" kind of relationship, that I don't think I actually know what I'd do in person.

Does that make any sense? I'm tired and I want to cry. I'm glad I have no boyfriend. I'm afraid that if I did I might actually breakdown on him....that would be uncomfortable for both of us....

I know why I want to cry....I'm hormonal....menstruatuion and all that shit...and it is the beginning of the worst month ever. They say it gets easier as time passes by. I still get stabbing pains when I realize what month it is. It's not even necessarily the day that hurts that most it just the whole fucking month and it drives me bloody insane!!!!

God I want to hurt something!

I actually just want to hit something so I hurt myself or hit someone to make them hurt....and so I grit my teeth and clench my jaw and push back down inside and wait for the tears to clear from my eyes. A few sniffles and my breakdown is over.

for now. It'll happen again. but maybe not until the 28th.

I haven't been to see the grave yet this year. I hate going. But I feel like I should. Like he would want me to. It just makes it hurt so much more and I'm starting again so I need to write about something else.

Maybe I just need sleep I think that's what I will do. Go to bed sleepy head!

I think even if someone tried to touch me right now all I'd do is breakdown into tears or snarl at them. So....just consider this a melodramatic post and don't worry about it...I'll be fine....just don't....ask please...I don't think I could explain everything they it needs to be...

Eroticfae

|| by Fae ||
12:36:00 AM |