Hi guys, I'm not at the top of my game today so I don't know what this is going to turn into. Possibly just a lot of blithering idiocy but hey you never know do you?

Ok, so the first thing I should talk about is my last phone call from G. (a.k.a. Master) It was intense. I was uncomfortable for parts of it, but I pushed through those bits and I was even....ok...easiest way to say it is to not try to make it sound pretty...so here goes...I orgasmed without permission. Once only and it was....I was....out of my mind I couldn't talk I wanted to and I couldn't make my mouth work it was strange. Not to mention I'm not so good at the talking when I'm in the middle of 'it'. It's not a talking time! I mean ok...moans are good...things like "God baby yes" , "Put your legs here, ohhhh god!" , "so sexy" ...."taste so good"....uhmm lets see.....what else is ok.... "Harder...harder....yes!" That's ok! I can manage those....but the whole legitimate sentences where I actually have to think I can not do. I get to caught up in the pleasure. I think. At least...that's what I like to think. It's been long enough since I've actually had sex, and considering that it really was kind of a "Wham bam thank ya ma'am" kind of relationship, that I don't think I actually know what I'd do in person.

Does that make any sense? I'm tired and I want to cry. I'm glad I have no boyfriend. I'm afraid that if I did I might actually breakdown on him....that would be uncomfortable for both of us....

I know why I want to cry....I'm hormonal....menstruatuion and all that shit...and it is the beginning of the worst month ever. They say it gets easier as time passes by. I still get stabbing pains when I realize what month it is. It's not even necessarily the day that hurts that most it just the whole fucking month and it drives me bloody insane!!!!

God I want to hurt something!

I actually just want to hit something so I hurt myself or hit someone to make them hurt....and so I grit my teeth and clench my jaw and push back down inside and wait for the tears to clear from my eyes. A few sniffles and my breakdown is over.

for now. It'll happen again. but maybe not until the 28th.

I haven't been to see the grave yet this year. I hate going. But I feel like I should. Like he would want me to. It just makes it hurt so much more and I'm starting again so I need to write about something else.

Maybe I just need sleep I think that's what I will do. Go to bed sleepy head!

I think even if someone tried to touch me right now all I'd do is breakdown into tears or snarl at them. So....just consider this a melodramatic post and don't worry about it...I'll be fine....just don't....ask please...I don't think I could explain everything they it needs to be...

Eroticfae

|| by Fae ||
12:36:00 AM |