I stare at the wall opposite my bed. I'm curling into the tiny ball I hate so much and trying not cry. Biting my lip until it pains me, unti l that is the reason I cry. It makes so much more sense to cry because of pain.

I've been through so much emotional shit that I just can't handle it anymore.
I'm not your whore.
I'm not your bitch.
I'm not your bootycall.
Is that what you thought from the beginning? Because you said you wanted to be with me again. You said lots of things, and you didn't mean one of them did you?

The only guy who truly wants me for me, lives on the other side of the world and I'm asking him to back away for a bit. It doesn't really make much sense because when I talk to him, he makes me feel good about myself.

I rarely feel that way on my own. I feel numb. Empty.

I don't like the way you fucked me. Mentally or physically, the first was not kind of you, the second really just wasn't that good.

I'm done with being fucked. I'd like someone to be gentle first. To want to take care of me. To realize that I will always write what I feel much more easily than talking about. To understand that no matter what they ask or say, I will write about what I want to write about.

You will not censor me.
I will not censor me.

my fingers have stopped but there is so much more going on inside me and I don't know how to write about it. I'm so lost....all I want is to be held by strong arms, and cuddled for a little while

Strong arms,
comforting,
someone to be my rock.

So I can be fragile.
Just for a little while.

Fast horse,
daring,
someone to carry me away.

So I can run away,
keep some problems at bay.

I see others so clearly, but I can't see myself.

I look into the mirror and its empty.

I call out and I pray,

for my own soldier to come my way.

Someone to wrap their arms around me,
to comfort me,
to be there for me.

Someone who'll let me cry when I won't let myself.
Someone to tell me it'll all be ok at the end of the day.
Someone who will let me be myself, and won't try to change me.

Someone, that at the end of the day, I can trust.

EroticFae