Addictions are scary things. A person can be addicted to any one of a million different things. Many of my family members are drinkers and smokers. When I was little, yes littler than I am now, my mom and dad both smoked, my mom quit cold turkey and a few years later so did my dad. My dad however subsititued. He was an alcoholic. A good one too as I was kept unaware for many years. Then He got sick while away for work. He got sick, and he started smoking. Which aggravated the illness. For the next five almost six years he smoked off and on while he was in and out of hospitals and ICU's. and off and on oxygen. My uncles helped him by buying him the cigarettes. They would sit and have a smoke with their brother or brother in-law.

My Daddy is dead. He was alcoholic and a smoker to his dying day because when you are addicted to something you never stop being addicted. You stop doing it yes, but you'll never be free of the addiction, its one of the reasons they're so hard to kick. I keep a bottle of Fireball Whiskey in my bedroom. It's half finished. And I have never taken a sip of it since it was put in my room.

Alcoholism is hereditary, a person with an alcoholic parent is more likely to become alcoholic than another with a family of non-alcoholics.

The fact that I grew up with most of my uncles and aunts being smokers means that when I do drink, I get cravings for a cigarette. I have twice taken drags from someone elses cigarette. They were smooth, and sweet and I could understand why people liked it. I just liked the way it looked in my hand. I handed one back and resisted temptation the rest of the night, the other was done after my drag so I tossed it on the ground and snuffed the light out with my foot which gave my a little thrill and I've never asked for one since.

My sister used to smoke. She quit just before Daddy died.

He wasn't there to walk her down the aisle, or to see me graduate, or to hold his grandchildren. He wasn't here for his 30th anniversary with my mom he died in July of 2000 the anniversary was Novemeber.

The knowledge of what he is missing, of what my niece and nephew are missing, of what I miss every day and the knowledge that I liked smoking just a little too much, that I could have a drink before I go into work just feel a little happier is what keeps me from doing it. I am strong as a person. I have to be strong, I have to be able to function properly for my mother, for my sister and for my friends just in case they need me.

I quite often want to break down, to be selfish and to take that drink in the middle of the afternoon and...it scares me. I see my uncles, unable to function 100% because of heart attacks and multiple strokes. I see another uncle whose marriage is falling apart because he traded in his addiction for alcohol for an addiction to AA meetings, and the church.

I will not be like the rest of my family. I will not succumb to that temptation. I can't. Otherwise the person you know that is writing this, will no longer be.

I am strong.
I am small, but I am mighty.

|| by Fae ||
4:58:00 PM |