Random Thoughts that came about because of New Years:
I need to keep my room Clean this year.
Fuck! Why do I keep shaving?! I should just go get a brazilian Wax and be done with it.


Personal Outlets;

Writing,
Excercising - Including trying to keep up with some karate/kickboxing moves on my own
Talking over things that mean the most to me with someone important, yes G. You.
Meditating,
Yoga,
Reading.

To Do List of 2006:

Kate Beckinsale,
Heath Ledger,
Jake Gyllenhaal
ORLANDO BLOOM
JOHNNY DEPP
RUPERT GRINT
Emma Watson
Ryan Gosling,
Shawn Ashmore,
Holly Marie Combs,
Alyssa Milano,
Rose McGowan, (Can you tell I like Charmed?)
Brian Haus(e) (sp? also from Charmed)
Harrison Ford,
G, of course!*Stares off into space momentarily,* ...oops uhmm..sorry...*shifting in my seat,*
*a small ount of time passes*
*My jaw drops...*Sorry I'm...Msn-ing with G and...just wrote something that honestly stuns me...I'm almost in tears because of it and...wow...Christ ok hang on.


Ok, ever had the kind of jaw dropping realization that if you'd have been standing you would have fallen on your ass? I have..just now. Ok. So Here's my conversation with G on msn, maybe you'll get what I'm trying to say. Maybe you won't. You don't have to read it, you can just leave after the previous randomnity, but this just adds to it.

So here you Go.








G: Hey baby (K) sorry I missed you earlier - at work...
EroticFae: *Hugs you tight* Hey, God I missed you last night, I so wish you could have been here
G: *huggggs* why baby?
EroticFae: I went to a dark Rave
G: a dark rave?
EroticFae: *Nods,* A rave with lots of Goths, fetishists etc.
G: ahhhh - kk
G: fun?
EroticFae: G: Tons, I wanted to dance with you, I wanted to have a collar on for you....*Snuggles,* I wanted you
G: *cudddddddddddddles you close*
EroticFae: *Hugs,*
G: guess what?
EroticFae: What?
G: I booked my ticket!
EroticFae: Yeh!
G: hehe
G: uh-huh
EroticFae: *Climbs on you* That's awesome! When do you get off work?
G: hehe - fairly soon - I'll prolly close up and clean up in the next few mins
G: *cudddddles you*
EroticFae: *Cuddles back,* ....Can you call tomorrow?
G: I can do my best, my pet
G: timing?
EroticFae: Mmm, (:30 would be best, but anytime between then and 3.
G: 9:30 - was that?
EroticFae: yes, whoops. Sorry Babe
G: hehe
G: kk
G: I'll see what I can do (K)
EroticFae: *Hugs you close and whispers in your ear,* You need to post! *biting gently*
G: hehe - I just not a big fan of posting... :P
EroticFae: Yeah Yeah.
G: I'm not
G: :P:P
G: seriously, you and like 3 other people read it...
EroticFae: I know. It pains me. *hugging you*
G: why does it pain you?
EroticFae: So what does that have to do with anything? I just...wish you liked it.
G: why baby? I have trouble seeing why it is important to you...
EroticFae: Writing is my outlet, where I can say anything, I just,....can't understand how others don't write,...very narrowminded is it not?
G: I do write sometimes... but when I do, it is intensely prviate
G: *private
EroticFae: *nods,* I can understand that
G: but I have other outlets as well... for me, listening to the right music is an outlet
G: I will choose music so specifically, because someone else has expressed my emotion better than I ever could
EroticFae: I haven't found anything other than a poem that I felt that strongly about
G: whereas the right piece of music can reduce me to tears
EroticFae: Music has never done that for me. well, no I'm sorry, Daddy's Hands, and My Baby thinks He's a Train and 7 year ache, but all after my dad passed away ....the last two were his favourites
G: [hug] there are definitely tracks like that too... ones that take me to a time or place
G: but there are also the tracks where the words, coupled with the music, form a complete emotion, encapsulate me
G: brb - closing the store
EroticFae: I don't get that kind of a connection with music. ok
G: back'
EroticFae: front?
G: see, to me music is poetry...
G: uh-huh - quite fond of your front ;)
EroticFae: *laughs,*
EroticFae: To me Music is a distraction, something to make time go faster, to take my mind off stupid things etc.
G: its just different for different people, I guess (K)
EroticFae: Probably. I write because...I haven't found anything definitive of me....Nothing I can believe in. Trust. or connect with really....wow...holy epiphany of the decade Batman
EroticFae: Babe....can I post our convo in my blog?
G: sure hon - if you'd like (K)
EroticFae: I've....*Wiping my eye,* God....I didn't...know that...
G: I don't have anything which truly defines me.. but there are tracks which express individual emotions
G: didn't know what?
EroticFae: That I don't beleive in anything, that I dont truly trust in....anything other than....the words I put in writing...Like,....I feel something but ...until I can express it in writing...I don't really know it.....*Biting my lip,* It's true....I write and it..pours out me but sometimes I don't think about writing I just go...and it's there I read it over and its....truth. Its....a piece of me.
EroticFae: *leaning back in my chair,*
G: *cudddddddddddles you* and that's what makes your writing azing, pet... it has the true feeling of genuine honesty
EroticFae: But how can I be that honest with my writing...but not with myself?
G: because when you write you don't think about whether its honest
G: you dont self-censor
G: as you said - you dont think about it...
EroticFae: *Folding my legs under me on the chair,* I've never understood people who self-censor, its ...stupid. You think something so it should be put out there.
G: but you may do it subconsciously...
EroticFae: And you probably need to close up and get home, I'll wait for you so we can talk some more ok? oh I'll also post on my blog
G: if you don't like your own ideas, you may refuse to accept them, mentally
G: (K) (L) kk sexygirl
G: I'll be home in about 20-30 mins
EroticFae: *Nods,* I'll try and stay up for you. *Kissing your cheek softly* thank you....


So there you have it folks, thats what I was talking about when I said Epiphany.....does it count?

|| by Fae ||
2:22:00 AM |