Editors Note: Everyonce in a while you meet a new person. They might be kind, well mannered and generally they won't affect you in any way. The rest of the time the person will do, or say, or write something that makes you think, wonder, giggle, laugh, cry, tear up, crave to hug them, feel bad for them, worry for them, makes you want to be there when the pieces they've tried so hard to put together again fall apart so you can help them carry on. I've not met any of the people I'm currently thinking about, well except for Jen and Lauren (pronounced Lore-ehn not Lore-in get it right people), but you've all made me look deeper, stretch farther and whether you know it or not you've helped me start learning about who I am.

G, you've been patient with me, and Kind probably more kind than I deserve from a Master some days. Because of you I know what I deserve. I'll never settle for anything less.

Jen and Lauren, I can be a nasty bitch at times particularly when I'm pms-ing, but you've never taken anything from me that I haven't been willing to give. You have my love, and my strength for whenever you need it. You are the sisters of my soul. You once said I was the key to your friendship, and as sappy as that was at the time this is probably a million times worse! *Laughs a little* You guys make me happy when I don't want to be, drive me crazy when I need to be and are just generally pains in my ass some days. The rest of the time, you allow me to be me. No pretenses, no make-up required, and video gaming included.

Tess, I haven't known you for very long but you've shown me more than you could know. *Smiles softly* You're a beautiful woman, inside and out. Never doubt yourself.

Magdelena, your writing is so introspective, intellectual and inspriring. I may not always comment, but I always read and take away from it what I can. I keep hoping that one day I'll be as eloquent as you are, you've said before that I already am eloquent, maybe it's one of those things that you can't ever actually see in yourself?

Jericho, I just found you last Thursday through the comment you left on my HNT post. Your words, astound me some days. Other days they just merely make me think. *giggles,* Merely. To be able to inspire a person is a great challenge, to be able to inspire a person after having read only three maybe four of your posts is the intellectual equivalent of climbing Mount Everest to me at this moment. So I thank-you.

Osbasso, as I thank you, so you should thank Tess. You don't even know why do you? I thank-you for the opportunities to see myself differently. Not as a whole, but fragmentedly. In pieces, the arch of a neck, the rounded abdomen, plump pursed lips, a body stretched out on a bed with pale cream skin and strawberry blond hair. As a whole I've never been attractive. *Puts a hand up to quiet down the crowd,* At least now I'm starting to realize that's not entirely true. The HNT project is helping me realize that, meanwhile I get to see how big an exhibitionist I am AND have fun! (You have to thank Tess cause she told me all about it, HNT that is. Well you don't have it's just...I would if I were you I mean you'd only have 500 people doing HNT's instead of 501 right? ;) )


There are many others that I have not mentioned here tonight, if your blog is listed on the left hand side I read you, I take from you what I decide to take. If my comments seem, outlandish or crazy, just know that you are seeing a side of rarely seen by others (I'm refering of course to my comment on Silent Mysts post the other night about the light bulb and toilet training. An odd mood came over me. Perhaps I was possessed). If I don't comment, well then I lurk don't I. I'm such a bad girl. At any rate, after this huge post I don't know if I have the energy to tell you what brought this on. but I guess I should so you should know there's nothing to worry about. I am not writing a suicidal good bye to my online friends.

I am. at peace. happy. content. I feel. Good.

I haven't felt this way in a long, long, long time. I can write again, I don't struggle to reach those words they flow off my fingertips before I can hardly think them. Part of it probably has to do with the massage therapy I had today. Another part of it has to do with what I've learned about myself. I am smart, I am wasting my life where I am working right now. I will one day be published, not because I say I will, but because I am good at what I am writing. Yes, you will get to read it....I'll be posting it somewhere and soon well as soon as I find the right background for it.

My mind is whirling. I have so much I want to write about and now that I've started writing it all I can't seem to pick one out. *takes a deep breath to center herself* Well, here's a taste of my writing. Of what I do so well.


**********

A Writers Dream

i lay in bed and dream
of things that dont exist
i close my eyes and see
women made of mist
men weild swords of flame.

i write my thoughts in words
hiding them in shame
my business is my own
(a waste of time some may think)
In this I am alone.

a pure raw talent
colouring vividly with words.

others paint on canvas.
a pencil a paper they draw me in.

the words of yeats frost barrettbrowning and carroll
romantic and depressing
uplifting.

words can heal our souls
keep wounds from festering
words keep us sane
tender lyrics seal a kiss
lips never touching
jarring words end a fight
without being said

the gift of
a writer
to you

the talent of
a poet
to the world

painting our lives
for you.
never picking up a brush.

|| by Fae ||
11:24:00 PM |