well, maybe this is for good.....

I am well.
I am alive and very very well.
I am happy, I am talking to G still though not entirely in the same manner.
I am seeing someone on my own side of the world and it is a healthy relationship.
I am moving forward in my life in a positive manner. I am going back to school.
I...I bought a car! Good Ness that sounds good..I have a car...my very own..well ok, mine and the dealerships but I am working on it. I am doing more and more writing and have found some objective readers to edit them. I am doing very well...in fact I am great.
I'm happy, no conditions apply. I am trying to live life one day at a time and enjoy whatever happens. So far, so good.

Fae

Who I was.

Who I am.


Who I would like to Become.


Everyone Needs A Goal - Fae





Ok, so yes I've been super busy (I miss you too Tess!) at work and with my course. I've been trying to write and go to the gym, see my friends have time with G, make time for new boy that's in my town that seems to dig me and all in all....leaves little time for blogging. So I apologize for the lack of real posts. But hey it means you get an info dump today.

Well..so long as I don't fall asleep at the desk.

1) Most recent event to talk about. Crazy lady in the store. Ok, I'll admit I thought the woman who yelled at me for not carrying the t.v. show Roseanne in our store she actually called me a "Fucking bitch" (because I'm sure the huge company I work for would just let me up and say "hey send us Roseanne it's going to sell so well!" and they'd send it like magic....not) was bad I mean give me a break lady. But not so, I met a much more interesting lady. She's been in the store twice. Tonight she came in yelling at her daughters and my new coworker (meaning in training) and I because she had a cab waiting outside. (I felt like telling her it wasn't our fault she decided to make the cabbie wait.) and she wanted a scary movie. Well if you know me, you know I don't watch scary movies. At the time I wasn't sure if she was looking for a horror movie or for Scary Movie So I went over to ask and she just yelled something about a scary movie it came out slightly unintelligable so I just said "Well, I don't watch scary movies but-" and I heard "Well then you're fucking Useless aren't you? You work here and you can't recommend a-" I laughed and walked away. I asked my Co-worker if she would mind dealing with the customer and she said no. I was proud of her, willing to deal with a karmically challenged woman like that. Another customer inquired as to her state of inebriation, she wasn't drunk....but she should have been maybe she'd have been happier.

I heard her when she got to the front desk because she slammed the cases down so hard I thought they cracked. She started yelling at "Ella" to hurry up, and actually became quite offensive so I walked over and stood there and told the...well I'm not sure what I said but it ended up being that I told the woman the Ella was in training and she said something along the lines of "She's slow she needs more training she must be dumb. You need to hurry up I have a cab waiting."
Of course at this point I'm shaking so badly I can hardly stand it and the customer who thought she was inebriated came to the front to watch the whole thing. So of course I open my mouth and say,

"It's not our fault you asked a cab to wait, we have phones we would be glad to let you use to call a cab."

At this point I think if it were possible she would have started slavering in her anger, drool foaming at the corners of her mouth as she snarls and snaps her angry words at us. Somehow or another she started calling me a nerd...I don't remember why...but it made me smile because I do consider myself a nerd so I don't find it as an insult. She said she was going to report Ella and myself and I told her to "go right ahead, the store manager is in in the morning and my name is ..." Which I got
"I know your name....*insert name here* ....I remember you from before (I thought oh yeah the bitch about the bag) I don't like you," I smiled and said,
"you don't have to like me," "You are so reported...nerd"

I felt like I was 10 again....oy the joy of tonight. I can't wait for my manager to call me tomorrow. Ella told the women when her items were due and the woman said "I'm not leaving here until I get a godamn bag," I wanted to laugh because we had gone through this the other day. Ella smiled at her a great big chesire cat grin and said "I'm sorry but have no bags, have a goodnight." The woman looked at me and snarled "huh right you don't have any fucking bags," as I'm saying "I'm sorry we still haven't gotten any in.

I had given her a huge garbage bag for her movies a few days earlier because she had bought chips as wellas movies and it was raining, today she had only two movies. No freakin' way was I giving her a bag that big for two lousy DVDs. Give me a break. So I've been laughing all night about that. Not laughing per se, just rather amused.

oh there was other stuff I had to write about and I've forgotten what it was...crapola...well I'm tired too so hopefully I will remember what it was tomorrow. Take care all.

Fae

Worry not about what you are doing, but about what you are being while you are doing it -I can't remember who said it.





Ok, so today has been super klutzy Fae day. Now, you must realize that normally I'm really not all that graceful. I have been known to be compared to an elephant, a herd of elephants and a bull in a chinashop. Not really fair comparisons as I am a tiny girl...but nonetheless it has happened. Today however It was almost like I was subconsciously trying to hurt myself in as many different and painful ways as possible and it started at about midnight wednesday.

I was on my way to bed and had to limp all the way upstairs to my room because my foot was sending up painwaves along my leg. It was interesting really, so I climbed up on my bed (yes climbed I'm short and my bed is high shush,) and I looked at the bottom of my foot, lo and behold a cut. I don't know how or when it happened. It pains me greatly. This I do know. so of course I take a picture of my foot as it is now, after I spent the day missing a chucnk of skin on my foot.



Also today while at work I was asked to do some shrink wrapping. Now normally I enjoy shrink wrapping as it means I get to not deal with customers. But of course today as I go to turn on the blower part of the machine the hot metal touches my forearm. I didn't even yelp. I wanted to, but I didn't you should be proud. I walked out and picked up the first aid kit, sat it on the counter and my co-worker just looks over a tme and quirks his head. "What now? Another band-aid?" You'd think I hurt myself a lot or something. I grabbed the polysporin and dabbed some on and grinned at him, "I burned myself" "What? Is it bad?" I refused to show him at first because I thought it hurt quite a bit, still does really, and I knew he would think I was being a pussy. Eventually he saw it and I get "That's it?" As a response. *Shaking my head,* this boy doesn't realize what I go through.

And of course I take a picture of this as well,



It doesn't look bad but it still hurts. Not even ten minutes after burning myself I go to take a step and almost trip over my own feet, at this point I think I'm trying to kill myself but I catch myself on the counter and manage to get away with a pulled stomach muscle. Don't even ask how that happened.

So recounted the other various hurts I have, puncture wounds on my right arm from the new kittens Mum and I got, scratches on my thighs from said kittens, bite marks from said kittens. Various bruises from walking into the coffee table and other articles of furniture. Bad burn lines from the halter top I was wearing to garden yesterday and my hamstrings still hurt from all the squats I did the other day at the gym.

I think I need help.

Fae





Editors Update: Well crap I'm a dork and forgot all about the one year bangalang thing. Clearly these pictures are non-celebratory.....and I've nothing that would work....Anyone have any ideas how I can make it up?



So, I've started making my own jewelry. It's an interesting thing beading. It's a pain in the ass and so far I love it all, from the hunt for the perfect beads (which Jen and...Tammi found out is not so fun for them,) to figuring out which way to put the beads on there.

So I give you the most recent necklace I've made. Two pictures of course, I'm beginning to love the look of my shoulders and collar bone...I like this losing unneccessary weight thing....I'm looking not so bad....not that I really looked bad before. ;) We all know I'm damn fine right? ;) (I'm in a very good mood tonight can ya tell?)

It's one of the simplest things I've made so far and it took me about an hour....mainly because I kept trying to make it too difficult....too much until I decided less was more.







I hope ya'll have an amazingly good and splendiferous HNT!

(Interesting moment-in looking up the spelling for splendiferous I found a new word. Stop-cock. .....Who'd wanna stop that? ;) It's apparently a valve for regulating a gas flow or liquid in a pipe....we all learn something new every day right?)

EroticFae





I haven't been tagged, but I found this interesting. So I'm doing this sans taggage.

I've put my music player on shuffle, and the answers to the questions will be the song titles that come up.


~*~Will I get far in life?~*~

Hand in my pocket - Alanis Morisette

~*~How do my Friends See me?~*~

I'd like to Have that One Back - George Strait

~*~Where Will I get Married?~*~

Delicious Surprise (So What I'm eloping?)

~*~What is My Best Friends Theme Song?~*~

Chariot - Gretchen Wilson (That must be...Tammi....she's all about buying her first car right now. ok, now I have to do Jen and Lauren now too...)
Head over Feet - Alanis Morisette (Well Shit....Tammi again, maybe I'll just stop there. oh no..*listening to lyrics,* Christ all freakin' four of us. )

~*~What is the story of my life?~*~

Haunted - Evanescence (Uhm....that scares me just a little "Long lost whispers slowly to me, still can't find what keeps me here...When all this time I've been so hard inside. Watching Me. Wanting Me. I can feel you pull me down. Feeling you, moving you, I won't let you pull me down. Haunting You I can smell you," Oh I think I need help.

~*~What was High School like?~*~

Everything I do (I do it For You) - Bryan Adams. (This makes me want to cry. Funny that I remember Panning and I danced to this...oh someone just shoot me now...but I decided to do this and do this I shall.)

~*~How Can I get ahead in life?~*~

Does Forth Worth Ever Cross Your Mind? - George Strait. This...well....I'm clicking the skip button and seeing if I can get one that makes more sense.
*Laughing Hysterically* Get Down (You're the One For Me) - Backstreet Boys Well shit, maybe I'll turn into a slut yet.

~*~What is the best thing about me?~*~

Falling For the First Time - Barenaked Ladies (Does this mean I'm a loser, or I'm naive? or stupid or cowardly or brave or...what? hey...this actually makes sense....*Finishes listening to the song*)

~*~How is today going to be?~*~

Bring Me To Life - Evanescence. (Hmmm, Perhaps someone will find me today? and wake me up? Mmmm bid my blood to run....*Sigh* Makes me think of the Anita Blake novels)

~*~What is in store for this weekend?~*~

Childhood Dreams - Nelly Furtado (I love this song but...what does it mean in this context?)

~*~What song describes my parents?~*~

Homewrecker - Gretchen Wilson (Uhmmm....ok. my mom and dad were highschool sweethearts and my dad chased after my mom like crazy cause she said she didn't want anything to do with him . He was apparently quite the ladies man. So this doesn't make sense. I'll try another one.)
Imaginary - Evanescence - Ha, this is my cynicism showing through isn't it?

~*~Grandparents?~*~

Darlin' - Backstreet Boys *Laughs* Oh, well maybe this applies to my Mom's parents, certainly not my dads. Next...
Forgiven - Alanis Morissette (Tch, That's more like it.)

~*~How is My life going?~*~

I'm Ready -Bryan Adams. (Boy am I ever.)

~*~What song will they play at my funeral?~*~

Brian Wilson - Barenaked Ladies (Live Version) {I don't really even like this song all that much}

~*~How does the world see me?~*~

My Last Breath - Evanescence ("Sweet raptured Light, it ends here tonight"? wow, a dark view isn't it?)

~*~Will I have a Happy life?~*~

Famous Last words of A Fool - George Strait ...erm...next
Shag Tag (You're it) - Prozzak ... hee hee

~*~What do my friends really think of me?~*~

(No One's Gonna) Break Me Down -Wynonna Judd (Oh baby yes! I love the woman! The lyrics for this will be at the bottom cause you just gotta love this song. It's got strength.)

~*~Do people secretly lust after me?~*~

(I shit you not this came up again) Shag Tag (You're it) - Prozzak....so I hit next cause a double just seems cheap.
All I Really Want - Alanis Morissette (Hmmm, gee thanks guy ;) )

~*~How can I make myself happy?~*~

Am I blue? - George Strait (Well crap. Apparently I don't make me happy, someone else does....thats just stupid. How can anyone else make me happy if I can't make myself happy? )

~*~What should I do with my life?~*~

Just To Be close To You - Backstreet Boys (To whom? Kevin Richardson? Sure baby I'm all about that! ;) He's the only one that's hot anymore.)

~*~Will I ever have children?~*~

I want to Know What Love is - Wynonna Judd (I guess that's a yes?)

~*~What is some good advice?~*~

You Still Own Me - Johnny Reid (WTF?)

~*~What is my signature dancing song?~*~

Heaven Help Me -Wynnona Judd (It's slow.....ech, I would have to say something more like...Ace in the Hole - George Strait or some kind of swing music...anything face paced and country...Boot Scootin' boogie by alan Jackson...something fast and hard....*grins* )

~*~What do I think my current theme song is?~*~

I Need You Tonight -Backstreet Boys (I used to be in lust with Nick....he's so not lust worthy now. and this is so not my theme song, I'd say something more like "Bitch" by Meredith Brooks. It's just not in my computer yet. )

~*~What does everyone else think my current theme song is?~*~

Imaginary - Evanescence

~*~What type of men/women do I like?~*~

If It Makes You Happy - Sheryl Crow (Hmm gee....?) NEXT!
I've Come to Expect it From You - George Strait. (I don't think I have much faith in anyone, apparently thats what my mp3 player software is telling me. oh that and get some more music on there!)


"(No One's Gonna) Break Me Down"

Road blocks, red lights
Dang brakes, that's life
People say what they want
I don't care it's just talk

Go, let's start this show

[Chorus]
I ain't gonna let 'em hurt me now
They ain't gonna break me down
I ain't gonna let 'em kick me around
No one's gonna take my crown
Hey nothin's gonna break me down

Got my back against the wall
Cities rise, cities fall
Reckless ride, wild abandon
I'll be the one left standin'

No you can't roll this stone

[Repeat Chorus]

Bridge
I might trip up and I might stumble
But you won't ever see me crumble
Oh, oh...

I ain't gonna let 'em hurt me now
They ain't gonna break me down
I ain't gonna let 'em kick me around
No one's gonna take my crown

[Repeat Chorus]

Nothin's gonna break me down

There you go folks, my theme song. I love it. *Goes off to dance now*
EroticFae





Ok, yes, I missed last weeks...I've....well life has been interesting. I've been making up for lost time in some areas and I'm getting along good with the course I am taking so all in all, things seem to be taking an upswing...generally. Now, I'm sure you allwill have noticed by now that summer is headed our way. The weather is getting milder, and hotter, and has even been "Heavy" a few days here. Which means it can only get more disgusting. The one thing I like about summer is that as a girl I can wear as much or as little clothing as I like. Given, that I adore my breasts, I think they are my best features (although I have been recently told that my eyes are my most stunning feature)I love wearing low cut shirts. So I give you one of my new favourites. As well as a hint of what is in store for me this summer, I cut my lawn the other day, my shoulders have already turned pink....and it's only May.

It can only get more disgusting.

I want winter back.


No bra! Woohoo! *looks closer,* And you can't tell I'm cold...I like this shirt more and more.....


Can you even see the pink?





I haven't blogged recently as I've been, well too busy. Different things have been going on and I even missed an HNT, I'll try to make it up to you this week guys. Now that I have a moment to write on here, and I have a chance to be really dramatic and let it all out again I find myself reluctant.

Hesitant. I want to curl my lip and scoff at the reluctant side of me. To tell her to back the fuck off and get a backbone to say what is the matter and not care about consequences.

Consequences, to take action is to eventually have a reaction. The action I want to take is a negative one. I want to bitch and complain and rant and rave like a bitch. This would only cause hurt in someone, and possibly an even greater negative reaction, now mathematically this should make a positive.

I keep seeing nuclear bombs blowing up in my face.

Somehow that doesn't seem very "positive", more like a great big fat negative with pickled beets and sauerkraut on top (The two worst tasting things around in my opinion).

So instead of being a complete bitch, I leave you with this message:

People, whether friend family or only an acquaintance, do not like feeling like they are an inconveinence.





Ok, so here goes, on monday I was in the shower, a hot, steamy shower with water dripping down my pale skin, which was of course turned a light pink from the heat. Suddenly....the top of my thigh is itchy, and I mean "Holy mother of potatoes my thigh is driving me freakin' insane!" kind of itchy.

So I scratched it....I scratched it really hard, vigorously....so hard in fact, that when I stepped out of the shower and started drying off....well holy shit would you look at that?!

Popped Blood vessels, they were quite a bit darker on Monday today being Thursday at 1:00am it's had a while to heal. Now, I'm a little uncertain about something....

Did the blood vessels pop therefore making my leg so incredibly itchy I couldn't stand it, or did I scratch my leg so hard I popped the blood vessels? I didn't look at my leg before I started scratching for fear of the dreaded moment of Shampoo in the eyes, so I really don't know.

But I do know one thing. Either way, it's kinda unnerving.

Fae

His weight was crushing me, leaving me almost breathless. My arms tugged high above my head and held with just one of his hands. I could feel him, hard and heavy pressed against me I looked into his eyes and marveled again at how gorgeous they were. I whimpered a little when he pulled away and gasped when he dragged his free hand up over my chest, pausing to tug, twist and pinch my nipple; moaning softly as his hand continue to travel up, the tips of his fingers sliding over my collar bone back and forth just under my leather collar. I arch myself trying to bring his hand back to my breast when his hand wrapped around my throat.

My eyes widened and flew to his as I struggled to breathe, his fingers tightening as he rubs himself against me, the head of his cock rubbing at my clit.

"p-please...!" struggling to breathe as he leans into my ear,

He pushes himself inside me and I cry out hoarsely, the pressure on my vocal cords making my voice all but useless. "What's your name?" he hisses it in my ear,

"An-" I croak a little as his hand tightens, "Pet! Pet! it's pet!" I'm almost frantic for air and he loosens his hold on my throat, taking his hand away slowly he leans in a kisses my neck softly.

"That's my good girl," He reaches up and takes my hands in both of his holding me down against the bed. Pulling himself out slightly I cry out and buck my hips, he lays against me so I can barely writhe beneath him. "Who do you belong to?"

"You Master, only you!" My throat dry and my chest heaving my nipples brushing his chest every time I breathe in. I look down at his lips and get the urge to kiss him I try to lean up into him but he holds my arms down so I can't move my head up any more than a few inches. He grins wickedly at me as I whimper and struggle against his hands, I notice his eyebrow is raised and think nothing of it. I give up after a brief struggle to move closer and panting I collapse beneath him, I've wrapped my legs around him, our bodies are locked together and I secretly revel in the feel of him stretching me.

"Is there something you want pet?" I nod my head slowly and lick my lips, "Then you'll have-" I rail my body against his, my arms struggling to wriggle out of his grasp my body bucking against his, my heels planted firmly into the bed as I try to buck him off me. He just settles his weight over me and stares down into my eyes, a most disconcerting stare, and after I'm exhausted from the second failed attempt and I lay there gasping, he finshes "You'll have to ask dear," He pumps himself in and out of quickly a few times and I cry out. "Ask for it, or tell me what you want my pet, I'll decide if you can have it, if you deserve it," He thrusts into me hard once more and my body arches under his,

"Kiss me please...?" He leans back and just stares at me. He leans in and bites my breast painfully,

"Please what?"

"master...please Master....please...oh god please!" he grins,

"I like to hear my pet begging me," He leans in again and licks the shell of my ear, and his teeth nibble on my lobe, he softly begins kissing down my jaw line and makes his way to my lips. There he hovers above them, barely touching me and as I lean forward he pulls away I groan in defeat and lay limply against the bed, too tired to fight for it, waiting for it to be given to me, hoping for it with my eyes closed and then I feel them against me, his lips no mine kissing me so softly, his tongue gently parting my lips and sliding against mine, his hands loosen their grip and I can wrap myself around him, my arms around his shoulders, my legs around his waist. Our bodies so tight together, the feel of him pushing in and out of my body driving me insane and gasping as he rolls us over. I'm on top now. I smile down at him, reveling in the small amount of power I feel up here, I know I'm his. But for now, he can be mine.

EroticFae





It's been a while since I've been online...In fact...it's been a week.

I go from HNT to HNT apparently. I've been feeling so good I just haven't been staying inside. I've been doing a little shopping, and looking for a new job and what not and in fact *gasp* I forgot about HNT until I was in the middle of my workout. So, I finished the workout and came in here to post a pic. It's one I took a while ago, I wasn't going to post it as I think my legs look disembodied. It just looks weird and not like my legs at all...I managed to make them look sorta skinny so in that way it's good. But here you go.


My Legs.

Happy HNT All!

Fae

P.S. I've been so busy that by the time I got around to being able to take a picture...my bum was all healed...although maybe that wouldn't be a pic either....

I'm posting early as I will be extremely busy tonight and most of tomorrow. So here it is. My very, very, very sore bum...as it was a few nights a go. As Soon as I get a chance I will take a more recent photo so you can see the way it looks now.

It felt delicious and wonderful. I thanked G for it extensively. *Grins,* I'll let your imaginations work on that one.

As always you can click if you want a bigger pic....although my ass doesn't need to be any bigger than it is... ;)

EroticFae